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I don’t know anything about anime, but Dragonball Evolution is the worst adaptation ever

Pa Robert Succi
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Over the years, I’ve changed my stance on whether film adaptations need to stay materially faithful to their source, and generally speaking, I’m a fan of the filmmakers’ creative freedom. Stanley Kubrick’s version Radiance is a prime example because it’s a bona fide horror classic, and it doesn’t necessarily rob you of your enjoyment of a Stephen King novel. You can read the book and enjoy it for what it is, then appreciate Kubrick’s vision in bringing the King-inspired story to life through a visual medium with his own artistic signature.

I believe that it should be so. No one wants to hear a cover version of a song that sounds exactly like the original. If done right, you’ll enjoy two different versions of the same thing. In most cases, I don’t see any downsides.

At least that’s how I felt before watching the 2009s Dragonball Evolution.

Dragonball Evolution 2009

I need to come 100 percent clean and admit that not only do I know nothing about the Dragon Ball series, I actually know nothing about the manga and anime in general. That’s why it’s important. When an intellectual property with a legacy as far-reaching as Dragon Ball is being adapted into a film, it’s crazy to think that decades of knowledge can fit into one feature film. No sane person should expect that.

But it has to present the source material in a compelling enough way to keep curious viewers like me begging for more. After sitting down Dragonball Evolution on a dare, I can safely say that this movie fell short of that.

Let’s just take this dumpster fire at face value

Dragonball Evolution 2009

Entering Dragonball Evolution with zero expectations other than “you’ll laugh at how bad it is”, I kept an open mind. It’s rated PG, so it’s clear that mass appeal was a priority, meaning I wasn’t expecting anything super violent or any particularly dark imagery. Perhaps I was expecting a family-friendly adaptation of a beloved franchise that could serve as a solid starting point for casual viewers. At the very least, if it was done well, it could be a competent stand-alone movie that fits into the Dragon Ball canon without overwhelming someone like me who doesn’t want to consume entire universes just to enjoy a single piece of media.

Instead, we get a Goku (Justin Chatwin) who looks and acts like a cross between “Dude, you’re getting a Dell!” boyfriend and jesse pinkman of All are difficult. no Aaron Paulan actor. Specifically, Jesse Pinkman. He is a reluctant hero who trains under his grandfather Gohan (Randall Duk Kim). On his 18th birthday, he was given a Dragon Ball with four golden stars and told that there were six more like it, each with the corresponding number of stars. However, what Goku and Gohan don’t know is that the Namekian Demon King Piccolo (James Marsters), with the help of his loyal assistant Maia (Erika Tamura), aims to collect all seven Dragon Balls and is willing to kill anyone in his path to get them.

Dragonball Evolution 2009

Goku has a crush on Chi-Chi (Jamie Chang) and awkwardly stares at her in class for a long time before accidentally revealing his powers to her while she’s trying to open her locker. It is implied that he has powers that he cannot display publicly. He’s also a pretty well-trained fighter, but apparently can’t do it in public either. To illustrate this, Goku gets into a “fight” at Chi-Chi’s party, which basically involves him deftly dodging his bullies only to accidentally beat himself up. I could get it from anyone Steven Seagal movie and walk away from it is much more entertaining.

Anyway, Piccolo kills Gohan and Goku is very adamant about saying “I will avenge you” before heading off to find Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat) who taught him his grandfather, but he needs to get up to speed on Piccolo’s antics. From this point on, Goku is introduced to a ninja outfit that looks like the Scorpion suit you’ll find in Spirit Halloween deal ben. The Dragon Ball is found thanks to Bulma (Emmy Rossum), who when we first meet her claims she has no idea what a Dragon Ball is, but seconds later reveals she has a device specifically designed to track them that she’s been developing for years.

Dragonball Evolution 2009

Goku says, “Whoah!” but it’s more like my 5 year old pretending to be angry and stomping on his block towers.

I don’t know who this is for

We now know that live-action adaptations of anime can capture the minds, hearts, and imaginations of the masses. Most recently, One Piece has made waves on Netflix by staying true to the source material in a way that doesn’t scare away newcomers who just want to get their feet wet. That’s not an unattainable goal by any stretch of the imagination, and if the right talent puts the right amount of care into the project, you shouldn’t expect anything less.

Dragonball Evolution 2009

Dragonball Evolution offers nothing to latch on to. It doesn’t matter if you’re a die-hard fan, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t know anything about Dragon Ball. It’s a standalone film, and there was a lot of fertile ground to sift through in search of a meaningful story and a character that really interests me. For a film that reportedly cost around $30 million to make, you’d expect someone close to the original IP to be on the payroll to make sure its legacy remains intact.

Ironically, series creator Akira Toriyama was brought in as a creative consultant, but most of his input was reportedly ignored. It’s a double-edged sword, because the short-term loss was that director James Wong and company took the chainsaw to their pride and joy. The flip side is that the film was so poorly received that Toriyama’s interest in the franchise was renewed, eventually leading to his participation in subsequent projects such as Dragon Ball Z: Battle of the Gods and Dragon Ball Super.

Dragonball Evolution 2009

Although I will openly admit that I am the last person you should be asking about Dragonball Evolution’s merits as an anime adaptation, I’m a movie fan and I can tell you there are no redeeming qualities here. It feels like the Dragonball name was attached to a lackluster script and the studio thought it would be enough to launch a cinematic universe that could compete with MCU. Instead, we’re left with Justin Chatwin publicly apologizing for being in the movie because he knows what he did.

DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION REF

As of this writing Dragonball Evolution can be rented or purchased upon request YouTube, Fandango is at homeand Amazon Prime Video.


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